COULD BIRTH CONTROL FOR BABIES SAVE THE COUNTRY?
I am a strong believer that if you don’t have something to add to a subject, it is better to not take part in it. Unfortunately all too often, I feel that some of my ideas on current hot-button topics are maybe too much for social gatherings where people don’t truly know me and my sometimes-inappropriate views on the controversial matters that surround us. But just because my ideas may seem unorthodox, it doesn’t mean they are necessarily useless. In fact, I would love it if some of my most recent visions were actually adopted into our society, in a last-ditch effort to save it, especially when it comes to childbearing.
I’m not talking about the right to choose or anti-abortion propaganda. Those topics have been, and will continue to be, beaten to death with neither side willing to listen to the other in our lifetime. Even the notion that educating the youth is the key to all of our problems is overly realistic. I do believe it is important to make people of a young age aware of both the pros and cons of a sexual relationship, but the truth of the matter is we only take what we want from our life lessons, and that does not always ensure the best results, especially when it comes to such a passion-driven act as sex. However, I have a solution which could be both effective — and, of course, controversial — in an effort to curb the birth-control debate. Let’s face it: Which great ideas didn’t at least start out that way?
Imagine if you will a long-term solution, and when I say long-term, I mean really long term, as in from birth. The idea spawned from the licensing process that dictates the more important things in life. If you want to drive, you need a license. If you want to get married, you need a license. If you want to own a gun, you need a license. Why not make it mandatory for those who want to have a child to get a license to do so as well?
This would not only cut down on overpopulation and financial burden, but it will also help weed out those people who happen to get pregnant but won’t make for good parents. In theory, it makes sense, but many would argue that this scenario could never happen. With or without a license, people will continue to have sex, and in doing so will continue to get pregnant, but that, too, can be fixed.
The solution is a birth-control device implanted in both male and female babies. When a couple turns, let’s say 21-years-old since that’s the legal drinking age in most states, the couple could apply for a license. The licensing process would be based on the strength of the relationship, psychological exams for both potential parents, and, of course, income to ensure that the couple will be able to afford the child they are bringing into the world. I envision the whole process taking six months and being rather expensive. In other words, this would be similar to going to the DMV, but on steroids. If you pass the licensing process, both parties would have their birth control devices removed, and they would be free to pursue having a child.
No more unwanted pregnancies, no more unfit parents, no more burden on taxpayers in regard to other people’s mistakes. As far as the process being a nightmare, well, if you do not want to stand on long lines to spend lots of money while being judged for six months or so on your psychological stability, then quite frankly, you aren’t ready to have a kid. All of those factors will become your life if you actually make it through the process. That’s basically what having a kid is.
Now, before I’m burned at the stake for this idea, let me say this: Many people are not fit to be parents, and I personally do not want any part in raising your mistake. Is the idea of fixing children so outrageous compared to, oh, I don’t know, a morning-after pill for a 14-year-old? Perhaps those people who want to have kids will actually pay attention to the process if it means getting what they want or not. Another argument would be that we would be creating a high-class society based on the fact that all parents would have to be both mentally and financially stable, but is that really a bad thing? A controlled population could result in a higher quality of professions, income levels and healthcare from a system that is no longer stressed by overpopulation.
Another argument would be on immigration. To that, I say it would be easier to open our borders if our resources weren’t so taxed; however, as part of the process, all new citizens would have to undergo the birth-control process along with their children if they want to live in this country. A process, which again, could be reversed if a childbearing license is issued or the citizens wanted to go back to their own countries and give up their citizenship status. The only question is who would run this program? Most likely, the United States government.
Yes, the same group that complicates everything else in your life would have control of your reproduction decisions as well. Why? Because the process should be a nightmare, and as anyone who’s ever had to go to a governmental office such as the DMV know, they’ve perfected making anything and everything a nightmare.
Besides, aren’t they the same organization that makes life-and-death decisions on our behalf on a daily basis anyway? As much as a fantasy as this may sound like, there is some validity in such a program. However, until the country admits that we need help and parents need to stop having kids just because they figured out how to bang, but not have to use birth control, I will continue to imagine a harmonic society in which all people could benefit from life, while your out-of-control bastard child crashes into the back of my heels with a broken-wheeled shopping cart while I impatiently wait on ridiculously long lines to pay for food I can barely afford because of the high demand for it.
Originally published on TheBlot.com.