ROLY POLY ROARTY: THE FIRST LIQUID WEEK (TOM)

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rpr_body_w-2You never realize how much of your daily thoughts go into food — until you have it taken away.

As of today, it has been a solid week of the liquid diet, and I have to say it has been a bit of a ride. The first few days were filled with some outbursts (no shocker there). Imagine being hungry, but having no solution to fix the problem. Needless to say, it wasn’t pretty.

As mentioned in last week’s article, there was the throwing of some broccoli after finding out tomato soup was not on the list of pre-op approved foods, but in my defense, losing any possible ingredient from what is already slim pickings is a huge deal!

It is kinda weird how you can literally call this a liquid diet since there are a few things I can chew on, so let’s take a peek into what is allowed and what isn’t, shall we?

My daily menu may consist of:

  • 5 14 oz. shakes
  • 2 cups of approved vegetables, which include:
    • carrots
    • tomatos
    • broccoli
    • mushrooms
    • zucchini
    • asparagus
    • lettuce
    • spinach
    • cucumber
    • string beans
    • cabbage
    • peppers
    • okra
    • Brussels sprouts
  • Low-sodium broth
  • Mustard, salsa and vinegar, in small amounts (how do you measure small amounts?)
  • 2 tablespoons of fat-free dressing
  • Sugar-free gum, popsicles and gelatin
  • All the tea and coffee I want, with artificial sweetener
  • Assorted diet drinks, including soda, lemonade, Snapple and Crystal Light
  • Plus – 100 ounces of water is mandatory

It seems like a pretty big list, right? Perhaps it does — until you take away the foods and drinks that you are not a fan of and find that, in essence, you are really left with five shakes, one meal you can actually chew (which I like to save for dinner because it gives me something to look forward to) and a lot of drinks.

Everything highlighted in red is what I can kinda deal with; everything else on that list is a pass for me. Oh, and in all of the above mentioned, you will quickly realize that there is either no flavor or a sickening artificial sweet flavoring, with little in between. How come someone can not invent a cheeseburger- or chicken wing-flavored shake?

I have to say, though, after the first four days, I started to feel pretty good, and my energy level was up, which I think has to do with my multi-vitamin being the most filling meal of the day. The good news is I was able to pass my pre-op tests this week, so surgery is still on for Sept. 30, and in the past six days, I lost lost 12 pounds. Maybe there really is something to a liquid diet, although I would never recommend it. I feel like the first few days, I had reeked as I sweat out what was left of the toxins in my body we all hear so much about, but as of today, I feel I just smell like strawberry or gingerbread GNC Total Lean shakes, kinda like a pre-teen girl’s bedroom, but not in a creepy way, of course.

My mood swings are a lot less, but my dreams of food have increased. In the grand scheme of things, though, I’d rather dream of meat than being wiped out by a tsunami.

As far as the pain goes, which is the reason I’m going through this whole thing in the first place, it has gotten worse. The duration and frequency has doubled in the past week, and in talking to my doctors, they believe it is a product of my kinked intestines shifting.

So while I wait out what is hopefully my final week of feeling like I am being sawed in half from the inside out, I just look forward to next week at this time when I will assuredly be on better drugs than you while lounging in my comfy hospital bed on the way to one day being able to include tomato soup back into my diet to the delight of broccoli bags around the world.

Categories: Roly Poly Roarty

Tom Roarty is a professional art director with a degree in graphic…

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